Poor grammar from sales emails can erode your brand.

If you spend more than $60,000 on a BMW, you probably have some reasonably high expectations for your customer experience with this premium brand.  A friend sent me this email that he received from his dealer today offering an incentive to convert his lease early.

If you review the email above, you will notice that Nate is not a fan of punctuation.  I suspect that Nate wouldn’t be interested in a job as a copywriter.  Nate, however, may be a pretty effective sales person.

I don’t blame Nate for this bastardization of the English language, I blame his marketing team.  This is a very standard offer and the marketing team should have built professionally-written templates to handle this situation.  A good letter, fueled with a little personalization, could have articulated the specific value that was being offered (Mark’s current monthly payment X 3).  The offer could also create a little more sense of urgency by indicating an offer expiration date. Finally, the friction could be reduced a little more by including a click-to-call or click-to-schedule option.

This one looks like an opportunity missed.  Or as Nate might say, “an opportunity mist.”

The impact of losing this sale is about $60,000.  The impact of these practices on the BMW brand could be massive over time.